


Free writing/open letter to S

by Jewelsky



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-07-03 17:35:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15823689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jewelsky/pseuds/Jewelsky





	Free writing/open letter to S

I don't actually know how to start this. It feels a little like a diary entry combined with the free writing exrecise I learned from my teacher Isaac in New York (although he'd tell me off for not writing with an actual pen as the exercise is intended). But where I'm currently living and working I actually don't have pen and paper to write with. This day and age, huh?  
But I'm getting of track already. I came here today because I needed an outlet (and my Word subscription has expired).  
I again feel like I'm not enough and I'm worried about the future. My best friend of over ten years has found a new friend. Of course she's always had other friends than me and I have had other friends than her. But this feels different. I feel like I've been replaced and it absolutely sucks and hurts. We used to write to each other every single day, for over three years because we couldn't see each other that often. But now, I have to prompt her. It's always me that have to start the conversation and when she came to visit, taking the new friend along, it didn't feel like she was here to see me. It didn't feel genuine and like I was being used so they could get a cheap holiday. They're going on all these trips and can't even wait for me to finish my contract so I can join them on one of them. I get that it's nice to have a friend that has a lot of money and can join you on expensive trips, but I've always been there. I'm sorry I'm not rich. I'm sorry I'm not enough for you. You've changed and I'm not sure I like the person you're changing into. I know I have changed too and that I acted like a twat half of the time you were here visiting. But you know why? I could tell you were replacing me and I got scared of the pain I knew was coming with that. So I lashed out so it would hurt me less. You haven't straight up left and ended our friendship. You were still there when I went through a really though time and I'm so grateful for that. But I didn't feel like I could fully tell you how I was feeling through it all. I didn't trust you enough. You lost a bit of my trust when you were here visiting, things you said and I don't know if you realise that they hurt. Even after I told you they did and apologized for my own behaviout, I didn't get an apology back. It's not just me that's in the wrong, you are as well.  
This turned into an open letter, not my intention but here we are. I hope we can if not go back to they way our friendship was at least move forward. Because I don't want to lose you, but I'm tired of being the one always trying and bending over backwards to make things work.


End file.
